NERD INITIATION

by

Clark Sayre

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Chapter One

I didn't look in the mirror and see the word "Nerd" stamped across my face when I lived in snowy Michigan.  Nope. Nerdom began the moment I moved to "Sunshine Gardens" and black rimmed glasses sprung from my face.  The neighbor kids gave me the truly unoriginal name: "Glasses."

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. This group of boys had a "not-so-neighborly" habit of referring to each other as one word nouns. There was "Ears". They had apparently measured everyone's ears once. His were a clear half inch larger than anyone else's. I don't know if he wore his "Ears" like a prize. Probably not since he slumped a lot. All I know is the first day I met him I went home and measured my own ears. Then my brother Shane's, then my baby sister Kelly's. They all seemed within normal range. 

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"Boogers" got his name for obvious reasons, but he still tried to stick them in his mouth now and then when he thought no one was watching. Right.

"Carrot" got his name from his flaming red hair and since he got to choose the name himself, it wasn't too unflattering. Obviously Boogers didn't get to choose his own name. 

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The only two-word name in the group was "False Dictionary." He was convinced that the biggest shipping port in the world was in Maine. 

"Bike" rounded out the crew. If the False Dictionary was an endless stream of misinformation, Bike had no stream at all. He seemed to have the intelligence of a spoke. Probably explained why he didn't speak much. 

So, it wasn't so degrading being called "Glasses". With my one-word name I fit right into the group... until we played our first game of street football. That's when I went from simple unseen peasant nerd to Nerd King. I knew right away this was not a kingdom I wanted to rule.

It happened on another cloudless Southern California day right after we rode around on our bikes playing Marvel characters. I got stuck with Sandman. Boring. Besides how would Sandman even ride a bike. His body would slip right through the pedals. We were innocently sipping homemade lemonade Ear's mom had just made. The world still felt light.

 

BOOM! 

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Suddenly ears was in the doorway holding up an object that was so terrifying that I coughed up lemonade from my nose. My world had suddenly turned dark. 

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"I gotta get home for dinner," I shot up, leaving the remainder of my lemonade to spill all over the dried brown lawn. 

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"It's 4:00" Dictionary said. He wasn't wrong about that. 

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"Besides," Carrot explained, "teams would be uneven."

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I didn't tell him that the teams would then be grossly uneven since I would put whatever team I was on at a tremendous disadvantage. Of course I'd seen a football before. But I'd never actually touched one. 

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Carrot quickly assigned teams, "Okay, me, Ears and Glasses on one team. We're the Raiders."

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Dictionary was quick to claim "49ers". I guess unlike seaports, Maine wasn't such an enormous force in Football. I wondered if he actually came from Maine. 

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SLAM! A backslap quickly brought me back to reality. "We're gonna crush you guys! Right Glasses?"

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I gulped. 

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More desperate than ever I suggested, "Hey, you guys have an ice rink around here?" Now that's something I can do, I thought to myself. Get off on the right skate. 

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No one even seemed to hear the comment as Carrot dragged me in front of the Harm's house. 

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"Okay, you hold. I'll keep." He tossed me the ball. 

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I held it between my hands. "What now? Is he gonna kick it straight outa my hands?" I worried. "Will I have a face left after that?"

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Out of nowhere a cute girl with tight black cornrows skidded to a stop. 

Carrot's face was approaching the color of his hair.

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"Hey Alisha!" 

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I guess the girls got real names here. I was learning the rules as I went. 

But not fast enough. Especially now that Alisha was watching. He plopped me down on the cement and put me in the classic Charlie Brown/Lucy football pose. As I was kneeling, ball between my pointer finger and the pavement, Carrot came and adjusted my finger slightly so the ball was at more of an angle. He checked Alisha for her approval. She gave him a quirky smile. 

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Carrot backed up. Boogers, Bike and Dictionary were ready to receive. 

Suddenly Carrot speeds straight towards me, full speed ahead. What should I do at this life or death moment?